My realization as a primate.......

When you have reached the age of 23 you are pretty much done with living (as far as monkeys go). Recently I came to the conclusion that the only real way to live to my fullest monkey potential is to start acting differently. This doesn't mean I am going to turn my back on a species, much to the contrary, I'm going to immerse myself into being the best monkey I can be.

I was talking to a friend today when she said something to the effect of me being the type of person that gets walked all over. Nay I said. But then I started to think, through my formidable years of primate puberty I was the ring leader of my group of friends, (ring leader is not the word, it was an ominous collective that had no elected officials I just happened to plan a lot of the outings if you will, anyway) I wondered what had happened from then to now. The answer was clear......Guitar Center.

Much like the army, my enlistment into this vast corporation started with destroying my individuality, I became the company as everyone dose. After 5 years of this I had completely and utterly lost my ability to be in charge, hence why I was feeling the way I felt.

After about six of seven banana milk shakes, I came up with this following 5 step plan, it's what I call.....

Getting My Rocking Self Back

1:Stop worrying about don't do and do what you you know how to do. You can always convince people you know what you are talking about later. (Dumb hairless apes)

2:When you want something go for it, stop prancing around like it'll just come to you.

3:Life is full of hardships but if you don't deal with them, they win.

4:Remember that there's always comfort in bananas

5:And everything Yoda has ever said.

I know that is I follow these things I can be the best monkey in the world.

Tomorrow: The day I found out how fun it is to throw poop.........

My banana once told me.....

So Christmas is over and I've finally settled into my new place. I now live in Central Park West, yes "in" the park, I have an awesome tree house overlooking the circle. It's a nice place to call home; big screen TV, all the video games that boy monkey needs in life. I'm in the center of culture, so now not only am I the best looking monkey in the city; but the most cultured (It's good to be me)

I had my relatives over for the holidays, that's always fun; bunch of free loading primates that don't help you move but are willing to eat you out of house and home. My sister enjoyed her shot glasses and DVD, (I also got her soap, cause she smells.....she ate that......that's why I don't get her anything expensive) My father the baboon got a copy of BSG Season 1, he was thrilled (he showed this by defecating on the box and handing it back to me with a big smile), my mother, the orangutan, bought herself a gift as always (it was a griddle, she fried bananas for the family in the morning) all of this happened Christmas morning.

Later that week, I believe it was Tuesday (Christmas Day being Monday) I caught a 24hr stomach bug, (that involved me spewing stomach acid all over the place) and only worked a collective 4hrs this passed week. Due to lack of monkeys being able to get health insurance in NJ I ended up shelling out $200 for meds and a doctor's visit (Totally upset about the cost of monkey health care)

Over all a productive holiday.

Tomorrow: How to thumb wrestling with a lemer........