This weekend is super busy, in a good and bad way.
First the good thing - one of my darling wife's oldest friends is getting married, which means a wedding, and those are always fun.
Now the bad thing - Sunday the day after the wedding we will be heading to a funeral of a beloved family member, and I haven't met a person alive that likes a funeral.
I'm choosing to have this blog focus on the fun experienced this weekend and have recorded to the best of my knowledge (see entry on 11/18/12) the experiences I have had this weekend.
11/16/12 the arrival.
Today I've found myself working from a hotel room in PA while my wife was doing bridesmaid type things. I currently find myself in a church pew watching the rehearsal.
Sitting here has reminded me that this weekend I will be spending more time in churches then I have spent in the last 7 years. I'm actually surprises that I didn't burst into flames when I walked through the door.
We'll we are off to the rehearsal dinner I'll continue this tomorrow.
11/17/12
I'm killing time before the wedding. Actually before my sister and brother-in-law arrive at the hotel. I've decided that I need to get a new black shirt so I drove my ass to King of Prussia mall to visit Macy's. The mall apparently does not open til 10.
I knew this, but was really hoping that there would be some place to have a leisurely breakfast. Urbanspoon told me about some but they weren't up to my high standard of dining, so I said fuck it and started driving.
I ended up at a Khole's where I tries on shirts that I couldn't button across my chest, then synced my phone to the Bluetooth in my wife's car. Then I found Walmart, which is where I am currently typing this. I should remind everyone its 9am on a Saturday, so there is no reason that I should be at a Walmart other then I am bored out of my mind. That's understandable. What's not is the sheer number of people in the store at 9am.
There were at least 20 people lined up to either return or buy something, which is incredible. Now what makes this even better is they are buying weird shit, a couch, and some dude has a notepad (I know this cause I'm standing in the stationary aisle). My question is what drives you to buy a couch or notepad at 9am is there something so pressing you needed to write down that it couldn't wait u til 10. Did you not have a place to sit and if so how have you been meeting your sitting needs up until this point?
I have a reason for being here, out this early shopping, I'm bored and want a shirt.
Its 910 and I still need to find breakfast before I shrivel up like a supermodel.
11/17/12
945
Found a diner and likely pisses off the waitress since I only ordered a buttered roll and coffee. I'm now at Macy's, which much to my dismay had not only been open since 9, but do not have the shirt I wanted/needed. This fact has not stop the salesman from attempting to show me every other shirt in the store, despite my protest.
11/17/12 [later in the day]
Just picked up my wife's bags from where they are getting ready, also helped the father of the groome hop a fence in a tux. I pretenses to be James Bond.
Apparently there are no trash receptacles at this particular church. I'm not really sure how this type of stuff works but aren't there normally places to throw out coffee cups prior to praising god? I mean people go yo church early sent they.
Brides about to arrive.
159pm
11/17/12
Asked my sister in law who the dudes around Jesus are...apparently they are apostles. I thought there were 12.
Seconds later.
Found the others
[entered after the wedding but happened around 210pm]
11/17/12
Car stereo playing Luciferian Blues. I am singing it loudly. This reminded me why I feel uncomfortable in church.
320pm
11/18/12
Apparently I got very, very drunk at the reception. So drunk in fact that I have no clue how I got back to the hotel (I know there was a shuttle, so I think my wife put me on that)
I'm pretty sure I had an awesome time based purely on the fact that I'm awesome sober and using thAt logic am super awesome drunk.
Below are events as I remember them and as they were relayed to me today.
Prior to the bus ride.
1. Slid into a dance circle and sang "Living on a Prayer" at the top of mg lungs.
2. Signed the guest book apologizing for my hand writing.
3. Signaled every white glove server with appetizers and then told them I didn't want their stuff when I realized I had eaten it already.
4. Instructed the bartender now not to make my martinis.
5. Said the phrase shrimp balls about 10x too many.
6. Downloaded Shazam
7. Hugged the bride
8. Stopped dancing turned to my wife and said " woah, I'm drunk" smiled and continues to dance.
On the bus to the hotel.
1. Got super excited that the shuttle was passing a dollar tree cause they sell beef jerky.
2. Asked my brother in law and sister in law's date if they knew of a place I could get delivery burritos. This was apparently very important to me.
3. Asked the bus driver to play rock n roll.
4. Said inappropriate to my wife loudly.
5. Sorta fell off the seat on the bus.
In the hotel.
1.Was put to bed by my wife, who went to the after party, and was discovered laying completely horizontal across a king sized bed.
2. Told my wife every parking lot level we were not parked on while she was trying to find her car.
At brunch the next day
1. Experienced one of my only hang rivers ever
2. Heard i was awesome (later told that what was actually said was I was a fun drunk by the brides mom maybe I'm fuzzy on the details)
On the car ride home
1. Slept in the back of the car from philly to home (bout 2 hours) because I was too drunk/hung over to drive home.
2. Was told I was growing by our friends husband because I had a hang over. (I think I grew up because achieved this level of drunkenness by with martinis, like James Bond.)
Found out towards the end of the day that I was in fact not the drunkest, someone that was not me, threw up on the shuttle. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'll take it as a win.
