Monday Morning Ant Brigade

My least favorite day of the week is about half over....the work half anyway.

I would like to say there are redeeming things about Monday, like the start of a new week of experiences and what not; but truth be told, that’s a little too Disney for me.

Not that I mind Disney, once you get past all the million dollar tie-ins with evil fast food chains bent on the destruction of the human race and the feeding of immigrant children to the reanimated cyborg head of Walt...it’s a wholesome family company.

Speaking of destruction of humanity, I think Satan may have just called me. 201-666-66** I’m leaving the last digits off just in case it wasn’t Satan...or just in case it was Satan, you never know maybe the dark lord would like to avoid his number getting around the internet.

I had another blog that I was going to post about time travel and how Zyrtec fails to deliver the whole time in a bottle add campaign and that someone should sue and give me some of the settlement since I spawned the idea, but then the office had a power shut down....you would think that a global company would pay a bit more attention to the generator system they have in place to avoid things like that instead of spending time on how “the critters” keep getting into the lab.

I’m stretching lunch today, as I normally do, however today is a bit different, where as I’m not hiding out in the marketing department until 1:30pm. That’s right I’m hiding in plain site right at my desk, it’s more changeling that way. The key to making it work of course is not to respond to anyone and act like you’re else where and you are just a hallucination....it hasn’t really worked for me yet.

Biff

Suzzie Home Maker

So, here it is almost what....three months since I've last written. Well dammit I've been a busy monkey. Here's a brief update on what's been going on in my life.

1. I was hospitalized twice in the last three months, once cause of something stupid, and once cause I have a genetic disorder that is apparently so rare in the US that it effects like one out of 15,000 monkeys (It made me look like a zombie, bloodshot eyes, drooling, and bloodiness, I scared myself, it's true)
2. I attempted to quit my job at the hospital after being told that I should by a doctor. However I don't think they let me quit, and as of right now I haven't been there in over a month but apparently I still work there.
3. I live in NJ now, no longer in Central Park, with my black spotted leopard girlfriend (she's a vegetarian so I don't have to worry about being munched on) we have a nice apartment in a quite little town, along with two cats and three chinchillas, who run the house.
4. I'm still struggling with writing my novel, and despite everyone's best advice have rewritten the first chapter before finishing the whole thing (suffice to say I like it much better now)
5. I'm currently battling a colony of flies who have attempted to forcefully take over my kitchen, which has seriously thrown a cramp into my cooking.
6. Oh speaking of cooking; I now believe myself to be an award winning chef, and am planning to call Mario Batalie out. That's right fat man I'm coming for you and your attitude.
7. I shaved my head because I was hot, and after reading somewhere that a large % of heat escapes from your head I opted for no hair. I look like a cross between a holy man and a circus freak, especially since I ran out of contacts and broke my glasses causing me to wear my girlfriends in order to see.
8. My Xbox 360 died on me, but it's back now. I got Halo3 on the release date sept 24th at like some crazy time in the AM, I beat it that night. I got a Wii and realized it was a waist of money because there are only a few games worth owning and the games I want are all over in Japan. I gave up on getting a PS3 because....well it's like too freaking expensive for an unemployed monkey.
9. Even though I'm still technically employed by the hospital, I'm looking for a job. Please give me one.
10. Being that I am unemployed (kinda) I have become a home maker, I watch my stories, cook and clean, and have decided that if given the choice I think I would totally be a stay at home dad.
    

So that about sums up my life for the last three months, I have a nice bit of dairy entries from my first stay in the hospital that might find their way up here so look for that cause they are pretty amusing.

Tomorrow: Will your car fly if you put jet fuel into it?